i wrote a song fo my band. can you please comment on it. thx. please dont use these lyrics.?

Question

i wrote a song for my band. im not very good at writing songs but could you tell me if you like it or if there is anything i could improve in it. thx so much. please dont copy these lyrics i made them up myself and worked really hard. thank you.











verse 1
If you come to a fork in the road don't ask me where to go.
If you have a choice to make don't ask me to choose.
if your picking out a dress for prom don't ask me to pay.
if you can't find something at a store don't ask me to look.

chorus
oh im lost and i don't know where to go.
oh i can't make a choice for myself.
oh i have no money to spare.
oh i have no time to find my life and put it all back together again.

verse 2
Im like Humpty Dumpty
sitting on a wall.
oh i had a great fall.
at this point i didn't know how to put my heart back together again.
because it fell for so long. and it fell so hard.
as it hit, i watch it pound the ground.
and watch it disappear .

chorus again.

bridge
but now i know which way to go
i never get lost.
i make my own choices. and
on my own time.
i have all the money in the world that i need.
and i don't have the pain in my heart anymore.
im way over that and you should be too.

verse 3
if you come to a fork in the road. ask me where to go.
if you have a choice to make. ask me to choose.
if your picking out a dress for prom. ask me to pay.
if you cant find something at a store. ask me to look.

this song is about my life and when i was younger i didnt have much money or toys but now my dad got a job and we are perfectly fine and are going to a great school and getting a better education. please comment and say if you like it or if i need to improve anythink thx.

Answer 1

It looks perfectly fine how it is. Its somewhat touching, and has meaning behind it. Dont fix it up or you might tamper with its genuity.

Answer 2

i like those lyrics lots. It actual feels like something i might pay attention to via fact that's straightforward. i'm able to work out that that's coming from a painful place. that's pleasing. and that i like it.

Answer 3

I like that you wrote it from you heart. I think it's pretty good. The one suggestion I have is to not say oh i in every line in the chorus...some repetition is good like in the 1st and 3rd verses...i really like that! but it seems like too much repetition in the chorus. Other then that...i like it! :)

Answer 4

emmmm...It's OK...

xD